This is not what it looks like...

Sometimes... I wonder if maybe I ...or she... maybe in our past we did something wrong. This is not a petition for pity; it's just how I feel.

Is this suffering going to be forever? Will it always be this way?

I can't blame her...everyone makes 'rash' decisions.

But....

What if.....

It's too late to even contemplate that now. Question is...where do I go from here. I feel like I've been thrown out into the ocean without my floaties and I don't know the first thing about treading water *ironic*.

I'm drowning, gasping for air...my lungs feel like they're about to collapse on me. No one is reaching a hand out to save me. I should have called for help...

But I'm not dying.

Why?

Surely this is some kind of cruel and unusual punishment....Surely the darkness...

But that's not what I want, and I know it. Why can't it get just a tiny teeny little bit easier. I know Rome wasn't built in a day. I know everyone wishes everyone could understand them. But maybe if I had just one. Maybe I did; maybe even more than one and I turned my back thinking they could not empathize, only sympathize...That's not what I need...

It can't be that bad...
Tomorrow is another day; another opportunity to turn this car around from the direction it's headed. Thank You for free will and divine intervention.

It's not too late....is it?